How often do you tell your child to be honest and angry with them when they do not tell the truth? How many times have you tell the truth to your child (ren) ... or their other parent, teacher, parent, boss, neighbors, etc.?People forget that children learn the behavior they witness. If you say, "Eat right," while devouring a bag of chips or always with them at your local fast food restaurant, they go a distorted image of a good diet to have.
Tell the truth to your children is not always easy. Here are a few things to remember:
Children do not think like you. They are very concrete in their thought processes. This is due to development of the brains. Abstract thinking does not develop until middle school. Until then they are not able to make generalizations or concepts to understand. Depending on their age, use of cause and effect debate about good and evil. "If you lie, you to your room." As they develop abstract thinking you can say, "If you lie to me that means I can not trust."
Speaking on the basis of their age. This is an expansion of their development of the brains. You'll use different words to you three years old than you would on your 15 years old. When you cry and your child asks, "Why," give a suitable answer. "Remember when you broke your toy, but sad when you're not sad now? I'm sad now, but I'll be fine" is all you need to say to a toddler. You might say: "My feelings are hurt" to an eight years old because they experience their feelings are hurt. To a teenager might say, "so and so and I had an argument"
Kids pick up on your feelings. If a family comes for therapy, we want the therapists of two years old, there for the family therapy sessions. How the toddler acts, he / she goes to when he / she is sad about the family more than words says. The toddler picks up the stress, even when older people try to deny its presence. Children do this at home.
If you lie they will not trust you. Nothing throws off a guy than being lied to. You think you can not trust them as they lie ... they can not trust when you lie ... and often they will not trust the rest of your life. If you are wondering why your child does not seem to believe, review how often your words and deeds do not match.
Not too much to say. Putting your child in the middle of the problems you're having with their other parent is out and out emotional abuse. To tell them details about the trouble on your economic situation is too much for them to handle. They are children, even when they are teenagers. It is not their responsibility to ensure your marriage or your job or take your friendships. It is their responsibility to pitch in and help. Give them as much as they need to know. If their eyes glaze over and she does not listen, you say too much. If they ask questions, you know they want more information.
There are times they have more than they can understand, know. Bad things happen in life ... divorce, getting death, illness, layoffs, losing your home and much more. You need to give the news, even if not at an age to fully understand. Answer questions as fully and completely as their ability to understand. You know what they can handle the questions they ask. A young child just to know you have to move. A middle schooler cope father lost his job and we can not afford this house. A 15-year-old can know about the bankruptcy. Use it as a learning experience.
Remember that if you through the trauma, they may be confused. Back with them to evaluate how they're doing.
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